This is not my usual blog i have decided to give a break to desperation coz this desp. is filling my life now....and this loneliness is becoming a part of me now....i am now in bangalore ..i find nothing interesting in life.. i get up in the morning at around 7 -7.30 there is 20min drive to my off so will reach off at around 9 then drive like a slave do whatever they say with absolutely no interest as our office is short of man power stay in off till 9-10.30 come back drink listen to some music these days Bombay Jayasree ,some keerthanams or gazals...again same thing....i find no reason to enjoy life and no reason to be happy
I went home last week the moment i reached my place one tear drop came from my eyes i loved tat security and warmth of my house my favourate plants my doggie my bed....whay am i living like this . Without anything interesting in my life ?
This metro city is suffocating me pseudo all around i know its none of my business but still i don't understand why girls in blore wear sleeve less in this cold climate esp at night and why are they so interested in showing their Underwear outside i have nothing to do with this but still i don't understand . Where are we heading ? relations becoming shorter.... values diminishing....love loosing its meaning....
I don't know why i am living this life i have an option of leaving this job and going home why am i not doing it ..Money this is reality ...we need money...for what ? for making more money ...but what is the use a life so boring and waste....
Sunday, February 27, 2005
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
Love Lost forever
It’s really cold and the sun is still sleeping. The windows are closed and he could hear the sound of water dripping from the leaking tap. She is sleeping next to him holding his hands with the innocence of an infant. Some early birds have started chirping. But he was determined to get up. He got up from bed without disturbing her , washed his face wrote a note that he is going for a walk and went out slowly closing the cottage door. First he thought about taking the car then he decided to walk. The watchman greeted him with a pleasant smile, the same old smile
When he was walking towards the lake all the thoughts came to his mind.... his wife.... the way she responded when he decided to go to this place. She said, “Why u wana go to this place! Is this place there in the map? Why should we loose the chance to go to Singapore”
He reached that road with trees on either side and covered with dry leaves. The leaves seem to cry when he stepped on it .it seems they also share his grief. The trees stood still without even moving a single leaf it seems the trees were shocked at this.
He was walking straight with his head down looking at something he have lost there. Suddenly he stopped there staring at one-tree tears rolled down from his eyes. He went near the tree with a low lying branch and touched the branch.
He face came to his mind, blurred and covered in fog. The eyes always afraid …the smile. He could feel her breath in his ears. All the naggings and sweet fights. It was four years back that they came to this place. They were deeply in love, inseparable. They studied in same college they were working in the same company and now she got a transfer. But he had never kissed her before never touched her except for holding her hand.
She was moving to her new office and he just wanted to drop her they just came here took a cottage and it was in the evening that they reached here. They were tired after the long drive and wanted to go to sleep she was sleeping on the bed and he was sleeping on the couch. Morning she woke him up it was really cold she seems to be fresh and the window was open. She asked him for a walk and he said yes he got ready and went out of the cottage. The watchman greeted him with a smile full of respect and affection.
They walked through the road to the lake on the way she spotted the tree with the low lying branch and they went towards it she sat on the branch and the silence was full of fragrance. Now he hissed her on the forehead she closed her eyes there was a bash of rain god had showered his blessing on them She told him” When good things happen it always rains”. He took her hand and walked towards the lake they sat there watching the tree standing alone in the middle of the lake.
They came back from the lake got dressed and dropped her at the bus stand and she said she will call up as soon as she reach the new place he went back home and…she never called up. He tried in her mobile no response then tried the office they said she didn’t join there called her home and got the message that the number Is not in use
He was desperate left alone he never heard a word from her again. Due to the compulsion he had to get married
The tears stopped it rained again he walked back to cottage and she was taking bath and she asked, “ Who is that?” He replied, “ I am back “ She said, “ Are you mad to go out at this time, I still wonder why have we come to this place” He didn’t reply She said “ Do u get coffee here? Please order one for me!, did we forget to bring the camera ?” He replied, “ I think so!”
He heard a beep from her mobile he took it .it was an SMS “ Dear I’m missing you so badly how are you when will you come back if possible call back” the number was familiar There was no change of expression on his face, plain, clear left alone. He said “ You have an SMS “ she said “ok leave it”
She came out from bathroom and saw the sms when he was sitting there and smoking he asked how is this place, his eyes were wet. She came near him held his hands and said it’s nice. …But we’ll go to Singapore next time….
When he was walking towards the lake all the thoughts came to his mind.... his wife.... the way she responded when he decided to go to this place. She said, “Why u wana go to this place! Is this place there in the map? Why should we loose the chance to go to Singapore”
He reached that road with trees on either side and covered with dry leaves. The leaves seem to cry when he stepped on it .it seems they also share his grief. The trees stood still without even moving a single leaf it seems the trees were shocked at this.
He was walking straight with his head down looking at something he have lost there. Suddenly he stopped there staring at one-tree tears rolled down from his eyes. He went near the tree with a low lying branch and touched the branch.
He face came to his mind, blurred and covered in fog. The eyes always afraid …the smile. He could feel her breath in his ears. All the naggings and sweet fights. It was four years back that they came to this place. They were deeply in love, inseparable. They studied in same college they were working in the same company and now she got a transfer. But he had never kissed her before never touched her except for holding her hand.
She was moving to her new office and he just wanted to drop her they just came here took a cottage and it was in the evening that they reached here. They were tired after the long drive and wanted to go to sleep she was sleeping on the bed and he was sleeping on the couch. Morning she woke him up it was really cold she seems to be fresh and the window was open. She asked him for a walk and he said yes he got ready and went out of the cottage. The watchman greeted him with a smile full of respect and affection.
They walked through the road to the lake on the way she spotted the tree with the low lying branch and they went towards it she sat on the branch and the silence was full of fragrance. Now he hissed her on the forehead she closed her eyes there was a bash of rain god had showered his blessing on them She told him” When good things happen it always rains”. He took her hand and walked towards the lake they sat there watching the tree standing alone in the middle of the lake.
They came back from the lake got dressed and dropped her at the bus stand and she said she will call up as soon as she reach the new place he went back home and…she never called up. He tried in her mobile no response then tried the office they said she didn’t join there called her home and got the message that the number Is not in use
He was desperate left alone he never heard a word from her again. Due to the compulsion he had to get married
The tears stopped it rained again he walked back to cottage and she was taking bath and she asked, “ Who is that?” He replied, “ I am back “ She said, “ Are you mad to go out at this time, I still wonder why have we come to this place” He didn’t reply She said “ Do u get coffee here? Please order one for me!, did we forget to bring the camera ?” He replied, “ I think so!”
He heard a beep from her mobile he took it .it was an SMS “ Dear I’m missing you so badly how are you when will you come back if possible call back” the number was familiar There was no change of expression on his face, plain, clear left alone. He said “ You have an SMS “ she said “ok leave it”
She came out from bathroom and saw the sms when he was sitting there and smoking he asked how is this place, his eyes were wet. She came near him held his hands and said it’s nice. …But we’ll go to Singapore next time….
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Love Frozen
Its cold but not for him...
They are crying but he can't hear
Perfumes fill the air -
He can't smell it
Flowers surround him-
he can't see it
MOsquitos don't want him
Flies like him more
Its chill inside the glass house
He is well dressed and beautiful
I tried to talk to him
But he can't hear it
People are cryin...Fools
They don't know he is happy....
Happir than ever....
Leberated ...
They are crying but he can't hear
Perfumes fill the air -
He can't smell it
Flowers surround him-
he can't see it
MOsquitos don't want him
Flies like him more
Its chill inside the glass house
He is well dressed and beautiful
I tried to talk to him
But he can't hear it
People are cryin...Fools
They don't know he is happy....
Happir than ever....
Leberated ...
Monday, February 14, 2005
Unconditional Affection
This is Mysore I feel so emotionaly attached to this place . For the first time i am getting a good impression about this place . This place has the glowry of the Royal rule and the blends of Muslim Empire and british empire is still visible there It seems british have not tried to loot this place coz the palace seems to be really pampered by them and moulded to suit their lifestyle more than british style the more visile is the mughal ones Wide roads beutifully carved Buildings. Mysore has not lost its culture it seems and this place is not as pseudo as Bangalore i didn't see any pubs or papparzees in the first sight.
I went to mysore for an officical purporse The most interesting thing was after i visited Mysore diary . After my visit to diary i wanted to stay back for one more day so i wanted to go my friends place which is in a place called VIjayanagara and the time was around 7.30 and it was already very dark so i asked the official over there where is this place and how to reach there. When he was telling me the way one old man interupted my talks and told the officer that he is also going to the same place and he can help me out if i want .So officer told me that will be better coz it was already late and its hard to find the place alone. I started walking with him towards the Bus stop suddenly i got the feel of knowing him for years. I was sure i knew him for years.We got into the bus it was crowded but we reached the bus stand in some 20 min and there we were waiting for the next bus and every now and then i was askin him when will the bus come...or i will take an auto the same way i used to pester my mom ,he said its not a good idea as its not safe .
Then we boarded the second bus and on the way he was explainging the whole area to me like a guide and what i still wonder is how did i understand the whole thing coz i didn't know kannada and he was speakin to me in kannada and at times in bits and pieces of Hindi. But by the time he got down i asked his name and he told me exactly where to get down then i travelled for some more time and i was not concentrating on the road and the landmarks he had told me . Suddenly the conductor told me tat it was the stop and i asked him what ? He told me tat don't worry "YOUR GRANDPA TOLD ME TO DROP YOU HERE" i really got the feel of my grandpa , his white beard stinking on my face the same feel i used to get 19Yrs back...and lost... lost for ever...
I went to mysore for an officical purporse The most interesting thing was after i visited Mysore diary . After my visit to diary i wanted to stay back for one more day so i wanted to go my friends place which is in a place called VIjayanagara and the time was around 7.30 and it was already very dark so i asked the official over there where is this place and how to reach there. When he was telling me the way one old man interupted my talks and told the officer that he is also going to the same place and he can help me out if i want .So officer told me that will be better coz it was already late and its hard to find the place alone. I started walking with him towards the Bus stop suddenly i got the feel of knowing him for years. I was sure i knew him for years.We got into the bus it was crowded but we reached the bus stand in some 20 min and there we were waiting for the next bus and every now and then i was askin him when will the bus come...or i will take an auto the same way i used to pester my mom ,he said its not a good idea as its not safe .
Then we boarded the second bus and on the way he was explainging the whole area to me like a guide and what i still wonder is how did i understand the whole thing coz i didn't know kannada and he was speakin to me in kannada and at times in bits and pieces of Hindi. But by the time he got down i asked his name and he told me exactly where to get down then i travelled for some more time and i was not concentrating on the road and the landmarks he had told me . Suddenly the conductor told me tat it was the stop and i asked him what ? He told me tat don't worry "YOUR GRANDPA TOLD ME TO DROP YOU HERE" i really got the feel of my grandpa , his white beard stinking on my face the same feel i used to get 19Yrs back...and lost... lost for ever...
Love
There she is ... on the corner..
There is darkness
All around in this room
The candle has melt..
The rain has stopped
There is sun...
Preparing to wake up....
Her dress is torn
There is blood on her face
Tears in her eyes
She is awake
She is alive...
Is this fate ...
Wher is god ?
Is he asleep
Or has he left hope in her ?
She can't cry...
But there is pain..
She can't stand...
There is pain..
Her eyes are red..
Dress torn...
Blood on her lips..
But a tint of joy...
Is this a curse
Or a bliss
She stood up...
Took her dress..
She was searching...
for it everywhere..
she was afraid ...
whether they betrayed her..
But she found it..
Kept under the pillow..
some dirty notes...
stinking like hell....
The woman in her is crying with pain
The devil in us is smiling at the money
There she walks
with the money she earned
Never thinking ..how she earned
always remembring...
WHY SHE EARNED !
There is darkness
All around in this room
The candle has melt..
The rain has stopped
There is sun...
Preparing to wake up....
Her dress is torn
There is blood on her face
Tears in her eyes
She is awake
She is alive...
Is this fate ...
Wher is god ?
Is he asleep
Or has he left hope in her ?
She can't cry...
But there is pain..
She can't stand...
There is pain..
Her eyes are red..
Dress torn...
Blood on her lips..
But a tint of joy...
Is this a curse
Or a bliss
She stood up...
Took her dress..
She was searching...
for it everywhere..
she was afraid ...
whether they betrayed her..
But she found it..
Kept under the pillow..
some dirty notes...
stinking like hell....
The woman in her is crying with pain
The devil in us is smiling at the money
There she walks
with the money she earned
Never thinking ..how she earned
always remembring...
WHY SHE EARNED !
Saturday, February 12, 2005
Loneliness
This is my first blog......... i am not so good in writing so i will better startof with somethin else
This loneliness is killing me .....
It ruins my heart......
It shatters my soul.....
I want to cry..i want to scream....
Let this tears of mine wash away my sins....
Let this love of yours....
Purify my soul...
Lonely is this sun ....
Lonely am i
Lonely is the moon....
But not the stars......
Lonely is this sparrow....
Who lost its mate....
Lonely is this tree in the midst of this lake....
Lonely am i ...
Alone am i in this world...
Sooooo Crowded.....
This loneliness is killing me .....
It ruins my heart......
It shatters my soul.....
I want to cry..i want to scream....
Let this tears of mine wash away my sins....
Let this love of yours....
Purify my soul...
Lonely is this sun ....
Lonely am i
Lonely is the moon....
But not the stars......
Lonely is this sparrow....
Who lost its mate....
Lonely is this tree in the midst of this lake....
Lonely am i ...
Alone am i in this world...
Sooooo Crowded.....
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